The unspoken disease.

In April this year I was diagnosed with depression. I had been feeling very different and odd since I had Floobuckle in 2009 but brushed it off as gender disappointment.

It is so hard to talk about depression and how it makes you feel when we are so lucky to live where we do and have the things we have. What is there to be depressed about. I don't know, simple answer!

But after being on medication I got better, we moved house with no problems and I started working again. But these last few weeks have really hit me. I feel like I am drowning again, unable to get on top of things and running away seems like a good option.

But I have the most amazing friends who have helped me and the most amazing husband! So hopefully this little black hole closes very quickly!

So if you have a friend who seems distant call them and see how they are, because my friends helped me and I am forever grateful!

How I love kids parties!

Maybe I am odd but I love everything to do with kids, the silly games they play to the stressful event planning of birthday parties!

Moo is 4 on Saturday! Where did that time go! I remember when he was born! He was the most amazing little person I had ever seen!

So the party of the year! Moo loves...no is OBSESSED with super heroes! Old school ones like Batman, Superman, the green lantern, Spiderman (yes I know they are from 2 different comics but gee give a mum a break!) And anything that Daddy tells him is cool! We have all the dress ups well most1 And we visit Movie world a fair bit so Moo can see Batman!

So this party, or should I say EVENT is a Justice League/ Spiderman party! The kids have to come dressed up ( I wanted to dress up for Moo but daddy stomped on that idea!) We have awesome food , a unbelievable cake and a of course a jumping castle!

We never had big expensive parties but we always had the best time! I just cant help it I love making a big deal and going over board...Hubby has confiscated my credit card due to over spending oops!

So I have the lollie bags the balloons, the banner, the toys, the castle and don't forget the presents...oh crap the presents I thought I had wrapped them all but forgot the main one! bugger will have to go out now and buy more paper and wrap it!

Well thats it from me! If in doubt call batman or superman or maybe just mum!

Where have I been hiding!

So sorry for the lack of updates...for anyone who still actually reads my pathetic excuse for a blog :D

We have moved house and now the study is down stairs and I don't get down here very much! I keep begging Hubby to get me a laptop but he keeps fobbing me off! Doesn't he know I need to stay in contact with people! Although I have finally got him using Face book! so that's good at least!

I am about to embark on a new journey. I am on my way to completing a Doula course.
for anyone who does not know what a Doula is here is an explanation!
What Is A Doula and What Do Doulas Do?

The word ‘doula’ (pronounced ‘doo-la’) is a Greek word meaning ‘woman servant or caregiver’. More recently, it refers to someone who offers emotional and physical support to a woman and her partner before, during and after childbirth. A doula (also known as a birth attendant) believes in ‘mothering the mother’, enabling a woman to have the most satisfying experience that she can, from pregnancy and into motherhood. This type of support allows the whole family to relax and enjoy the experience too.

Despite doulas being fairly unheard of in Australia, they have been actively supporting women for a very long time and are fast growing in popularity, as a result of positive word of mouth and the need for increased support. In fact looking at google statistics recently, searches on the word ‘doula’ are at its highest yet from 2004 to 2011.

Doulas are trained and experienced in childbirth and are usually mothers themselves. They have a good knowledge and awareness of female physiology, but a Doula does not support the mother in a medical role – that is the job of the midwife or doctor. She works on the basis of keeping birth normal and empowering, and should the birth become complicated and require medical assistance, a doula will still remain by your side and help in any way she can. She also does not make decisions for those she supports, but she assists them through the decision making process and provides balanced information so the couple can make their own choices.

Many women consider doulas to be a must for those giving birth in a hospital, due to the modern medicalisation of birth – unnecessary inductions are skyrocketing and 1 in 3 babies are now born by caesarean section (and yes, one of those interventions readily results in the other – its no coincidence). In Australia, some hospitals have caesarean section rates as high as 50% or more. This is a terribly high statistic, well above World Health Organisation recommendations of 10-15% – which makes us amongst the highest in the world. Given the long term emotional and physical effects this can have on the mother, her partner and baby, a doula to me is like an ‘insurance policy’ – which can help protect you from a disempowering experience. With a doula, you know that someone is always on YOUR team, holding the space for you and your family.

A doula works in birth centres, private and public hospitals and at homebirths in conjunction with midwives – but never as the sole carer at birth. Birthing without a midwife or doctor present is known as free-birthing however BellyBelly recommends birth with at a qualified midwife or doctor.

There are two types of doulas, birth doulas and post-natal doulas, with many doulas performing both roles. The difference is that the role of the post-natal doula is to nurture the mother at home after childbirth. This may include further breastfeeding support, light home duties, massage, emotional and physical support for the mother and so on. Post-natal doulas are particularly in demand as support for new mothers has reduced in modern society. Needless to say, studies show that post-natal doulas make a huge impact on the well-being of mothers.

The Promise Of A Doula

1. You cannot hurt my feelings in labour
2. I won’t lie to you in labour
3. I will do everything in my power so you do not suffer
4. I will help you to feel safe
5. I cannot speak for you; but I will make sure that you have a voice and I will make sure you are heard

What Are The Proven Benefits Of A Doula?

A recent review of many studies from around the world have concluded that a doula’s support is more effective than hospital staff, friends or family. You can read the review here.

Studies consistently demonstrate very impressive benefits for the mother, father and baby, including:

50% less caesarean sections
Reduction in the use of forceps by 40%
60% less requests for epidurals
40% reduction in the use of synthetic oxytocin for inductions or augmentations
30% reduction in use of pain medication
25% reduction in labour length
Increased rates of breastfeeding at 6 weeks post-partum (51% vs 29%)
Higher self-esteem (74% vs 59%), less anxiety (28% vs 40%) and less depression (10% vs 23%) at 6 weeks post-partum
These are not misprints! The benefits are significant. Most of the women in the studies were accompanied by male partners, however study results show that women who had the support of a male partner and a doula fared best, for example, the caesarean rate of women supported by both a male partner and a doula was significantly lower (15.4%) than the caesarean rate for women supported only by their partners (24.4%). The studies also clearly show the positive benefits of doula support occur regardless of a woman’s economic status or whether or not they were privately insured. Its simply about having the right support with you at birth.

What About The Woman’s Partner – Does a Doula Replace Them?

According to the studies (and from personal observations in births I have attended) rather than reducing a partner’s participation in the birth process, a doula’s support complements and reinforces their role. Partners feel more enthusiastic and that their contribution to the labour and birth was meaningful and helpful. I often find when partners have a visual on how to support a woman i.e. watching me support her, they feel more confident and relaxing having seen some ideas to try themselves. In the studies, not only did partners report higher levels of satisfaction after the birth, but mothers reported feeling more satisfied with their partners role at birth too.

What Will My Ob/Hospital/Midwife Say If I Have a Doula?

More obstetricians and midwives are becoming aware of the doula as they become more popular; most are very supportive or are not bothered by a doula – in fact obstetricians and doulas rarely cross paths. If they do, it’s often for a very short time, during the birth.

In a recent birth I attended, a student midwife told me that they were currently doing a unit on birth support in her studies, and she was very impressed about the benefits and outcomes achieved with women who have doulas.

There is the occasional story I hear about some obstetricians not wanting a woman to have a doula present, however ultimately it is your own choice and decision as to the level of care you receive. An obstetrician is not present for you throughout most of the labour, only if you need intervention or to catch the baby (if they make it!). So continuous support from a known carer is crucial while you labour – because what happens during the labour can affect the outcome. It also is very telling about the sort of care you may receive at the birth if your Obstetrician is not open to you looking for ways to help reduce your chances of interventions. If your doctor is not supportive of you making choices, decisions and avoiding intervention, you may end up feel unsupported and disempowered in labour.

What Training Do Doulas Receive?

In Australia, there are several ways a Doula can train, through courses conducted by very experienced Doulas – some of which are also midwives, doctors and educators. Again, this is not medical training – doulas are trained in professional birth support. As part of a doula’s training, she may be required to read certain materials, attend several births (as an unpaid trainee), write assignments/reports, attend birth education classes and other requirements. If you are interested in becoming a Doula, see our BellyBelly article, Doula Training In Australia.

What Do Couples Think of Doulas?

Check out this short video on YouTube featuring couples talking about doulas:



Here are a few short testimonials from Australian couples who have used professional birth support:

“A very special thank-you… You made such a difference at the birth for us both, encouraging me when it all seemed too hard and helped me achieve the birth that has given our little girl the best start in life. Thanks for sharing this special time with us. I hope our paths cross again. You are a beautiful person with much to give the world.” — Catherine & Jason

“Thank-you for helping us achieve a wonderful birth experience. I felt safe and far more relaxed knowing I had the right support. Everything went exactly as I wished for with minimum intervention and stress¦ I feel sooooo grateful that we had such a great outcome. I am sure it is even helping me get through these difficult first months. I now know I CAN get through anything with determination, knowledge and support! — Meredith & Chris

“Wow I’m still in shock when I think about that long labour and the fantastic result – it was sooo worth it. I truly know that I couldn’t have done it without you – that is a fact. You are amazing and are truly made for the job – I really can’t thank you enough.” — Bronte & Michael – 2006

How Much Does A Doula Cost?

This varies greatly dependant on experience, the state the Doula is located in and what packages are on offer. A package offering pre and post-natal visits (generally around 2 hours long each) as well as the duration of the birth generally costs around $800-$1000 for the more experienced Doula. Inexperienced Doulas usually charge a much lower fee which can vary from ‘costs only’ (e.g. petrol, travel) to around $250-$300. Most doulas offer reduced rates for those in genuine need.

Doulas often only attend 1-2 births a month, as many are mothers with young children. Finding last-minute childcare as well as spare time to do visits and attend births is a tricky balance – it often happens during family time on weekends or after hours. So it’s not something women do for monetary benefits, but passion.

Finding a Doula

If you would like to have a Doula support you, there are several doula locators on the internet. BellyBelly has a doula locator in our Find-A-Doula section, as well as offering birth support services as BellyBelly Birth Support.

I recommend speaking to several doulas as every doula is unique and has something different to offer. You will know who you click with. It’s important that you and your partner both meet the Doula. You can download a copy of our Doula Interview Sheet if you aren’t sure what to ask the Doula.

References and Recommended Reading

1. Klaus M, Kennell J, Berkowitz G, Klaus P. Maternal assistance in support and labor: Father, nurse, midwife, or doula. Clin Cons Obstet and Gyn 1992; 4:211-17.

2. The Doula Advantage, Rachel Gurevich, Prima Publishing 2003

3. The Doula Book, Marshall H. Klaus, M.D., John H. Kennell, M.D., and Phyllis H. Klaus, C.S.W., M.F.T. Da Capo Press, 2002

4. Sosa R, Kennell J, Klaus M, Robertson S, Urrutia J. The effect of a supportive companion on perinatal problems, length of labor, and mother-infant interaction. N Engl J Med 1980; 303(11):597-600.

Kelly Winder is a birth attendant (aka doula), the creator of BellyBelly and mum to two beautiful children. Become a fan of BellyBelly on Facebook or add Kelly as a friend (frequently adding articles and stories). You can also follow BellyBelly on Twitter.

I am so excited to start this journey and help women get the power back when it comes to Birthing!

So so slack!

I have been so slack, have not given you an update. Have been moving house so have been super busy.

Once I get everything up and running smoothly I will hopefully get you updated :)

Love light and blessings xxxxx

MIA

Sorry if you read my blog...not really sure if anyone does...but sorry I have been Missing In Action. Things have been a bit full on here and will blog soon to update you all :)

Just wanted to let you know I am still here :) x

Housekeeping!

I admit it I am a a TERRIBLE housewife!

My house NEVER looks like a display home unlike some of my friends houses. There are toys everywhere I get distracted easily, and my kids have to come first!

No wonder NO ONE comes to visit me since most of my Friends keep beautiful houses even with kids. I just get so overwhelmed and have no idea where to start...I have started writing list but even then they get lost.

I wish we could just move to a new BIGGER house with a nice BIG kitchen, and laundry and even a nice big main bedroom I don't really want something with 5 living areas like some house just a bigger kitchen will be fine! Seriously why do you need so many living areas you have to fill it with furniture and clean it. Also you are never all together in one room so it then starts to separate the family unit?

Oh well off to attempt to be the house wife I want to be....trust me it wont happen!

LOVE!

The Beatles
Lennon/McCartney

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you
in time - It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

This is should be our foundation of life... LOVE! Love our babies and children see the beauty in their faces, explore the new world with them, Love your partner enjoy every breathing moment with them, love your family and cherish the time you spend together, love your friends and make time for them, love your fellow brother and sister let them know you care and have the humanity to love them no matter what race, religion, or sexuality they carry! We all need love!

Where do you begin....

How do you help someone you have never met rebuild their life, how do you comfort someone through a computer screen? Why do I have any right to mourn a woman who was the shining light of my online community even though we never shared a conversation. How do you go back to living a normal life when her children are grieving. why did she leave this world only the day after burying her sister.

I cannot comprehend how such an awful turn of events has rocked our little community. I have shed tears for a lady who I don't even know if she knew I existed, she was in my eyes the cool older sister who you would never talk to cause there would be know way you were worthy enough, she was blunt and to the point, she made me laugh out loud all the time...yet I never actually spoke to her, I never shared a pm or know if she ever posted in a thread back to me....does it matter? No I will still grieve for my sisters who have lost a friend, a mentor, a buddy. I will cry for her children, I will see her dancing and drinking wherever she is. And I will hold what is dear to me closer and enjoy each day to the fullest.

Life has to go on, I know that but how do you recover from something which has not happened to you directly, how on earth will I cope when and if I loose someone close to me, the thought is unimaginable. I promise to be truthful and to say what I want and not to let things worry me too much anymore, life is short so go live it!

2011 ...it can only get better right?

Its not even the end of January and we have had some devestating news from all over. A communtiy I am aprt of have lost 2 very special people. I hope and pray they are safe and happy in their new world.

Now the floods of Brisbane and the shocking inland tsunami of Toowoomba. I am feeling so helpless and wish I could help out. The toll it is having and will have on our beautiful state will be monsterous. I can only pray no more lives are lost.

Please be safe everyone! And tell the people you love how much they mean to you x