Where is a big rock when you need it......

I would really like to just crawl under a huge rock and escape from here for a while....I would love to just be by myself and not have anyone whining at me or grabbing at me for a feed.

I adore my kids abut I need a break! I am slowly going mental. I haven't had a full nights sleep alone for over 3 years now, and am tired of waking up with muscle aches cause of how Floo is sleeping on me. I know this will pass as it did with moo but at the moment I just want something to be about me.

I want to go do the grocery shopping by myself, I want a mother in law who loves me and wants to be a part of our lives, I want a baby girl and be able to buy pretty girly things and do ballet lessons, I want to look good and not feel so ugly and ashamed of myself all the time, I want a nice house where my friends want to visit me, I want a clean house, I want children who sleep all night like most of my friends kids,I don't want to be the organiser anymore, I want someone else to do it, I want to be able to have a relationship with my husband, I want a glass of wine dammit!!!!!!!!

I know I am the only one who can make things happen but just once I would love to feel like I am being spoiled by someone else...I want to be on someones mind and have something thought full done for me, I want to be cheered up and made to feel special.

Life just seems to be throwing shit at me at the moment and I cant seem to find the baby wipes to clean myslef up and see the light! what the hell is wrong with me??? I have a wonderful husband and gorgeous kids I should be freaking happy right! Well why am I sitting in a big black hole waiting to be rescued!

Ahhh venting feels good!