Can I pay you to hang out with me :)

I really don't know where this post is going or if it will make sense, but I need to get it out!

I feel so lonely...in a world where communication is at your fingertips I am so alone and sad. I feel like I am on the outer, I am the organiser and when I don't organise I am left on the sidelines. I always make sure I do the ring around for upcoming events so no one misses out, yet when it comes to asking me everyone seems to "forget". I am such a social person and my friends are the people I have picked to be in my life and they are my family...but I don't think they see me as family :(

Maybe its me, maybe people put up with me cause I do the organising and would actually rather me not be there? Maybe I am a good online friend who you don't actually have to see but can comment on my status everyone once and a while. Maybe I am that annoying hanger on friend who you just cant shake?

I would love to have a real life friend who made a weekly date with me to just chat, or someone to call me occasionally...I don't think my phone has rung forever...except when Meagan calls me which I adore :)
I reach out and no one is there to catch me! Maybe I am not catching my friends and that's why they wont catch me?

I want someone to tell my fears to, someone who wont judge me, someone to ring and say I am having a really bad time can you come over and give me a hug or have a chat over a coffee? Is this really asking too much?

I just want to have girl time and a chat I want to feel like my voice is important and your not just seeing me cause of the kids, I want to have a friend who is there for me no matter what time of the day or what they are doing...I suppose I want a sister?
When you have kids you tend to be less important to people...when you go to family gatherings etc all they want to know is how the kids are? not how i am coping or feeling just cute funny stories about the kids...I feel like I am invisible!

So maybe I should start paying people to be my friends, money seems to talk....that's a joke by the way :P

I feel better getting it out and this is definitely not aimed at anyone in my life just a general feeling I get. Sorry for the downer post but its my blog so ner ner :P