I have been feeling really down...no that's no the word...um actually I have been feeling nothing today.
I woke to a message to say one of my friends had given birth to a baby girl! Yay how exciting! This is her 2nd child, she has a son.
This bought up all my gender disappointment issues again. I am so happy for my friend but very jealous and sad at the same time.
Why is that I have 2 boys...2 boys who I love with all my heart and soul..bt still 2 boys. Why couldn't I have one of each like everyone else I know in real life :(
I bought it up with hubby hoping to have someone to talk to, get my feeling s out so I wouldn't descend into a deep spiral of hate for myself and how I was after Floobuckle was born, that maybe we may never get the chance to have a little girl. And he made me feel worse :( I know he didn't mean to but he did. He said we should be lucky our boys are perfect and healthy, and that he was really worried about me when Floo was born cause I didn't treat him the same as I treated Moo. This broke my heart into a million pieces...why didn't he tell me this at the time and help me get over it. He has said he is scared to go again in case we have another boy...which he is certain it will be and how it will affect me.
I just needed someone to talk to about it and how my friend had the girl I most desperately want and I know she had told me she would prefer another boy so this makes me even more sad and jealous and angry :(
Why couldn't I have a pigeon pair, why doesn't my body want to create a little pretty girl who can share in all things girly with me? Why does it hurt so much when another friend has a baby girl...I am so happy with for them, but my heart aches.
I hate feeling like this, I hate remembering back to those days when Floo was a newborn and not having that spark in my heart like I did with Moo and how if it wasn't for some wonderful amazing ladies I would have hit rock bottom. I think I will be OK next time if it is a boy but I know we wont be finished till I have a girl.
:( hugs. I am sure you will get your baby girl one day.
ReplyDeleteAww, BIG HUGS darl! There's no reason to say you won't have a girl next time. Some men can only make girls, but men who make boys can make girls, too! Seriously, it's a scientific fact.
ReplyDeleteDo you get ultrasounds during pregnancy? If so, maybe you should find out the gender next time. It could give you some time to deal... know what I mean?
And husbands are just great, aren't they? *eye roll* As if you don't know that you're lucky to have two healthy boys... I guess you have to be female to really understand these things :)