Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas!

The countdown has began to Christmas and to hubby having 2 weeks holidays! Wooohoo! We are so lucky to have a business which makes us enough to survive, food on the table and the chance to buy a few gifts for loved ones. there are many families who don't have this blessing and Christmas is just one time to reach out to those in need!

We are all so excited. I have done all the shopping have to do some baking then we can sit patiently and wait for Santa's Arrival!!!

This year though we did something very special. We donated a hamper to a family in need in our area. We bought a toy for the kids each and a gift voucher for the parents. We also did a huge food hamper so they could have a wonderful Christmas and new year! We have wanted to do this for a long time and saw an opportunity and grabbed it.

We never expected anything in return we never wanted thanks, we just wanted a family to enjoy their Christmas without having to worry how they would feed their children.

And what a surprise we had when we received a beautiful card form the family. No name but they were truly blessed to have received our gift.

So to the family out there who we helped may this Christmas be filled with a little joy, good food and a big warm smile and hug. And we hope we can do the same next year.

Merry Christmas everyone don't forget that kindness and love go along way. A warm smile or a helping hand will always be treasured by those who receive it!

xxx

Motivation makes me happen!

Where has my mojo gone??? I gave up walking every morning and now I am getting fat again :( I need a walking buddy to help keep me motivated!
Also I need a cleaner! I mangae to clean my houise then it slowly slips back inot a hell hole!
Motivation where are you!!!!!!!!!

50th post!

Im back and have a smile on my face :)

Life sometimes can get a bit dark when you let yourself live in your head...so I am coming out and finding the sunshine :)

So my 50th blog! WOW!

Life is what you make it! never allow anyone to make you feel a certain way! You own your feelings! If something /someone makes you feel a certain way let the feeling pass talk about it and move on! Life is too short to get stuck in that dark cloud! Like I have learnt these past few weeks!
the only person your hurting is yourself as no one knows how you feel.

So love, laugh and educate yourself on everything you love! Go and grab life by the short and curlys and go for a ride!

Mwah xxxx

Where is a big rock when you need it......

I would really like to just crawl under a huge rock and escape from here for a while....I would love to just be by myself and not have anyone whining at me or grabbing at me for a feed.

I adore my kids abut I need a break! I am slowly going mental. I haven't had a full nights sleep alone for over 3 years now, and am tired of waking up with muscle aches cause of how Floo is sleeping on me. I know this will pass as it did with moo but at the moment I just want something to be about me.

I want to go do the grocery shopping by myself, I want a mother in law who loves me and wants to be a part of our lives, I want a baby girl and be able to buy pretty girly things and do ballet lessons, I want to look good and not feel so ugly and ashamed of myself all the time, I want a nice house where my friends want to visit me, I want a clean house, I want children who sleep all night like most of my friends kids,I don't want to be the organiser anymore, I want someone else to do it, I want to be able to have a relationship with my husband, I want a glass of wine dammit!!!!!!!!

I know I am the only one who can make things happen but just once I would love to feel like I am being spoiled by someone else...I want to be on someones mind and have something thought full done for me, I want to be cheered up and made to feel special.

Life just seems to be throwing shit at me at the moment and I cant seem to find the baby wipes to clean myslef up and see the light! what the hell is wrong with me??? I have a wonderful husband and gorgeous kids I should be freaking happy right! Well why am I sitting in a big black hole waiting to be rescued!

Ahhh venting feels good!

How can this not make you smile! I love my boys!

Broken...mistakes...and all the love to give!

I have a big mouth...and sometimes I don't know when to shut up!



I used to just say what I wanted and never thought about the consequences then it bit me on the proverbial behind and I grew up and learnt to keep my mouth shut!



Well I let it off the leash the other weekend and I have no idea why...maybe its stress...maybe I am so exhausted my brain doesn't work properly or maybe its because I am sick of being the one who is walked all over and forgotten and left out ?

Maybe I am over analyisng things as I know no one is hung up about this and it probably hasn't even registered on their radar .

But its hard to dismiss feelings especially ones that make your heart hurt and you feel so lonely that no one would miss you.



I want to feel wanted again...I want people to ring me and want to see me and not just visit the kids! I want to feel worthy of peoples attention and not be stopped mid conversation because the kids are doing something cute and then everyone forgets what I was talking about.

I just want someone to SEE me, really SEE me and not just see me as mum to the boys. I want to be me again!

So I am shutting my facebook down and trying to find who I am and not rely on anyone else to make me feel good about myself. I know it will be tough to try to love myself again and I know life will still be awkard thanks to my big mouth but I have tried to mend what I have done but it doesnt seem to have helped, so helping myslef seems like the next best thing!



Sorry I haven't blogged in a while and now when I decide to its to vent and sook!

This time last year!

The monday night before melbourne cup I was sitting at the computer ready for my belly to pop and have a baby. Making plans is a sure fire way to guranteea baby coming....I was supposed to go to my uncles house for the race and lunch, but wouldnt you know I went to bed only to wake at midbight to contractions.


Pfftf horse race I am having a baby woohooo! the morning of the race Floobuckle came into this world!

We had his party on sunday, so much fun everyone was there except my Dad who had to be in the middle east for work and my brother and his girlfriend as they went to Melbourne for the race...bloody race lol!

He slept most the party!

The Amazing cake!

Cheeky boy after everyone had left!

Pinata time :)

mmm cake!



So serious!




Happy birthday Floobuckle!



We had a wonderful day and we are so lucky to have so many wonderful people share it with us! Floo was very loved and received so many lovely pressies!

So on Weddesday he will be one....where has my baby gone :(

I may have just found my thing :)

Finally I may have found something that is just mine that I will be great at!!!!!!!

Millinery....that would be hat/fascinator making.....and I LOVE it! Ok so i just made some dodgy fascinators from make it at home kits from spotlight but I thihnk they turned out pretty good!

My first attempt...excuse the model but I was looking a bit haggered to do it :P

My second attempt...this one I added beading to it :) Crafty eh!

And my last one...which kinda got a bit wrecked with the glue :) but still cool!

So what do you think? I really enjoyed doing it and with in minutes of showing my facebook friends they wanted to buy one lol! i am going to try to do a course with a lady from Loganlea which will be fun :) And who knows i may actually crack the fashion market eeeeek1...Well a girl can dream right :)

Yay for my boobies!

I am so incredibly lucky to have been able to feed both my boys easily, we had some dramas in the start but it has been really smooth sailing since.

I wanted to congratulate my boobs, breasts, boobies, nom noms here and without any reservations or judgement!



Boobs are great cause they feed my babies.

Boobies are great cause I don't have to make bottles, clean bottles or even buy bottles.

Breasts are great cause its environmentally friendly.

Noms noms are great cause I can easily roll over and feed floobuckle off to sleep without getting out of bed.

Boobs are great cause I don't have to pay to feed my babies for at least the first 6 months of their lives!

Boobies are great cause they are easily accessible in times of need without waiting!

Breasts are great cause they look good in dresses :P

Nom noms are great cause they are making the most amazing source of nutrition for my Floo!



So thank you boobies for allowing me to continue to have a wonderful feeding relationship with Floo......but I am looking forward to the day when I have my body back...but for now its Floos :)



My Boobs ROCK!

The mummy pressure cooker!

I am worried about our mums.

It seems like we are burning the candle at both ends. According to the "media" and well meaning family, we are to look amazing by about 3 months post birth, our babies are to be sleeping through from 6 weeks, we are to have a social life outside of our families, our houses should be spotless and we should try to squeeze a little mummy business in there as well!

Phew, I am exhausted just writing it. No wonder we are so disconnected with our children, no wonder breastfeeding is hard to establish and no wonder our babies are shoved into a strict routine and left to sob their little eyes out so they sleep all night.

Why cant we just relax and enjoy the little human we have created for a while. Enjoy lying in bed with them feeding and letting them sleep with you all snuggled and safe. Enjoy all the quiet time when they are sleeping by resting yourself and rejuvenating and giving yourself time to bond.

Now I know this is a prefect scenario and I know I didnt rest every time with Floobuckle but I rested a lot more than what I did with Moo and I feel better for it! But I think we need to step back and relax a bit more, especially if your feeling overwhelmed and runnning out of steam.

I often hear of mums putting their kids in sleep school to fix problems with their sleeping. Yes my kids do not sleep through and neither do I and I am nearly 30. I just don't know when so much emphasis was put on how much a baby sleeps. Is it because we are now run off our feet going out, meeting friends, cleaning houses, running home businesses that we forgot that babies don't sleep though?

Does it mean your a better parent than me because your baby sleeps through the night? IThis is how i feel when someone asks me the old question so is he a good sleeper. I tell little white lies now as I couldnt take one more Aunt, friend , stranger tell me to let my babies cry, and ignore every instinct in my body to do so.

I secretly love it when I get extra cuddles at night. I don't really like the awkward way I have to sleep every night cause Floo is attached at the boob, but hey it wont last forever, and I know that in 10 years I will be begging him for cuddles :)

We all must parent how we feel is right, don't get me wrong, but I think we are relying on books that have no emotional connection to us or our babies, or well wishes who dont know any different, we have to follow our hearts and our children as we are giving them the start to their lives and it is solely our responsibility on how they are introduced to this world and how they will grow up.

So think twice about worrying about the messy bedrooms or that your precious baby was up a few times last night and focus on the amazing perfect little human you have who doesn't care if the floor is spotless or if the bed is made, all they want is you and your love.

Go cuddle your babies , sleep with them if you feel like, breastfeed them whenever they want and just enjoy the amazing gift of motherhood. xx

Wow!

Today I had my very first mean comment....thank you "ANONYMOUS" for saying I have no friends... it takes a very brave person to be anonymous and to write something so hurtful on someones blog. I can only hope you have a beautiful life filled with love and happiness and be surround by lots of friends and family like I have.

I tossed up weather or not to blog about this and the amount of time you used to comment and the amount of time I would use to bring to my readers attention....and I decided to just so I could picture you filled with love...LOVE is the answer and I hope that you have someone to hold and snuggle with.

That's all...thank you for reading my blog I only hope the LOVE reaches you xx

I want to be crafty dam it!!!!!

Since I was a llittle girl I loved all things fashion and adored watching my nana sew and knit! I always wanted to be a designer or photographer :)
But I have never given anything a go cause I am so hard on myself and I am scared I will fail and I will give up like I have done with everything I have tried!

So I am making a stand! I am doing a photography course in November which I am sooo excited about and cant wait! And this morning i have cleared a space for my sewing machine which has sat in my office in its box for 2 years :( I have purchased some patterns and fabric and cant wait to get started!

I suppose this follows on from one of my earlier blogs about giving up my creativity so for once I am doing something for myself...and don't care if people think I am copying...I am just dumb for telling everyone my dreams and them doing them first :P

SEW wish me luck!

LOVE

Love is a gift that we should cherish.
I am lucky to have 2 amazing boys who love me unconditionally!
I love ALL my friends even when we don't agree on something or have an awkward moment.
I love my family, they help me be who I am.
Of course I love the people who read my blog :)

I kinda love myself...most days...but we are working on that!

So who have YOU Loved today? xx

Monkey Moo is 3 tomorrow!

Where oh were did the time go?
My little baby, my moo, my pickle head....your 3 tomorrow!

So 3 years ago I was I was in labour.....

On the phone to the hospital! (ignore the date on the pic lol)

Yup I am pretty sure I had had my waters broken and peth shot and all the intervention in the world by now....Geoff watched the footy final...Manly and cowboys if I remember...and helped me through my first birthing experience. Feeding me ice and trying to make me not feel the pain.


Then in the early hours of the morning on the 1st October...his due date...Myles William came into this world via Forceps :( I remember feeling like I was in a horror movie, and that they yanked him out and whisked him away. My whole natural birth went right out the window! Why didn't i get myself a doula the first time! But we can fill our heads with lots of whys and what ifs, but I made the choices and I have the most amazing little dude for them !


Our first family photo!



He was so perfect!


He just loved the Hug a bub and so did I!



We had the most amazing Breastfeeding journey too...I never knew how much I would love it. There were times especially in the early days when my toes would curl as he latched but after a few weeks it was second nature to me. Maybe I am one of the lucky ones. But it was the most enjoyable time :)

My Hollywood breastfeeding pose!

Myles is the funniest most inquisitive kid! He is always full of beans and always asking "why", or "whats her/his name"," Where do they live" etc!
He will run up to me and say "mummy I love sooo much" And give me the biggest cuddles, he tells me I am beautiful..well except yesterday when he said he didn't like my hair do lol!

His Naming day and his God parents Kate and Cory...and the "twins"

On his first birthday!



2nd birthday!


Meeting his baby brother Flynn!



My little grown up boy!

So Myles thank you for being the coolest, funniest, most amazing son! I cant wait to share the rest of your life help you grow into a beautiful caring man! xxx

Pretty girly frilly things...will we ever get to buy them?

I have been feeling really down...no that's no the word...um actually I have been feeling nothing today.
I woke to a message to say one of my friends had given birth to a baby girl! Yay how exciting! This is her 2nd child, she has a son.

This bought up all my gender disappointment issues again. I am so happy for my friend but very jealous and sad at the same time.
Why is that I have 2 boys...2 boys who I love with all my heart and soul..bt still 2 boys. Why couldn't I have one of each like everyone else I know in real life :(

I bought it up with hubby hoping to have someone to talk to, get my feeling s out so I wouldn't descend into a deep spiral of hate for myself and how I was after Floobuckle was born, that maybe we may never get the chance to have a little girl. And he made me feel worse :( I know he didn't mean to but he did. He said we should be lucky our boys are perfect and healthy, and that he was really worried about me when Floo was born cause I didn't treat him the same as I treated Moo. This broke my heart into a million pieces...why didn't he tell me this at the time and help me get over it. He has said he is scared to go again in case we have another boy...which he is certain it will be and how it will affect me.

I just needed someone to talk to about it and how my friend had the girl I most desperately want and I know she had told me she would prefer another boy so this makes me even more sad and jealous and angry :(

Why couldn't I have a pigeon pair, why doesn't my body want to create a little pretty girl who can share in all things girly with me? Why does it hurt so much when another friend has a baby girl...I am so happy with for them, but my heart aches.

I hate feeling like this, I hate remembering back to those days when Floo was a newborn and not having that spark in my heart like I did with Moo and how if it wasn't for some wonderful amazing ladies I would have hit rock bottom. I think I will be OK next time if it is a boy but I know we wont be finished till I have a girl.

Some of my favourite blogs!

So I am only really new to the whole blogging world...and still find it amazing that people actually read what I write...considering I think its not very well written :P

So some of my favourite blogs I like to visit are.........
http://onelittlemummy.blogspot.com/2010/09/cloth-nappy-reviews-and-glee-marathons.html

This is only a new blog but I know it is going to be fantastic! This beautiful woman is like my awesome long lost sister...born a day apart...love all things gentle parenting....love Twilight....and just get along so very well! So read it if you want , I know Iwill be!

http://onelongsummersingapore.blogspot.com/2010/09/trying-to-get-crafty.html

This blog is by another gorgeous mumma who is in Singapore at the moment! I was lucky enough ot share our first pregnancy and the births of our first sons! She rocks and I can only hope we actually meet one day!

http://glamourcidaltendencies.blogspot.com/2010/09/broken-back-whole-baby.html

Well what can I say about this honest and wonderful blog! This amazing chick is the coolest chick I have never met!She rocks my world and I wish I was like her...so witty , smart and cool! This is a really great read very honest!

http://www.drmomma.org/
My most favourite informative blog about all things Gentle and breastfeeding and intactivism(is that a word or did I make it up???) I get so much information from here and enjoy reading all the entries about feeding and natural parenting.

There are so many more that I adore but I will do them another time!

So if you need to read something give these blogs a go! I cant wait to read the next lot of entries! x

Do you have a thing...I dont think I do?

This is something I think of often.
I really don't have a thing...you know everyone has a thing right...My hubby is a Baker extraordinaire, my brother is the football player...my Friends have creative arty sides like making clothes, creating cakes and pastries...being stunning( I know that's not a thing thing but still its something!)
I just feel like I have no thing...like when someone would be talking about you they would say oh yea Amber's husband is an amazing baker...or Amber's friend can sew...or Amber's cousins are awesome artists....Amber is.......um nothing I got nothing???

I love to paint and would love to start to sew but it seems everyone can do those things and much better than me so I don't even want to try. I want to find something that is mine , something that I can be proud of achieving, something that others will think is wonderful. I often feel like the black sheep or the third wheel of my family..never really fitting in..having different opinions that no one really wants to hear :(

I remember my Nana's surprise party when I was little...maybe 10 or 11. We were having it at our house. I had spent all afternoon working on a big happy birthday sign... which i printed off the computer ( cause that was such a novelty back then) and colouring it in making it look special for my Nana! I hung it up outside with all the balloons and waited for the time to come....well in that time it bucketed down with rain...totally wrecked my masterpiece :( I was guttered. My beautiful cousin arrived and had made her own sign so we put it up inside ready for the party. Nana got a huge surprise...well so I thought...and everyone was commenting on the lovely Happy birthday banner! It really was gorgeous I still can see it now! and I remember my Nana saying
"oh yes my granddaughter H made that she is the artist of the family"

I was so upset and felt useless....that was the day I never really tried hard at anything arty again...my gorgeous cousin become a wonderful graphic designer and is so talented and arty! I cant help but wonder, maybe if it didn't rain that day I would be just as talented as her or any of my friends and family?

I really want to give sewing a go as I love doing it with my Nan, but still feel like maybe I should just stick to being boring! I want to paint again like in highschool, I want to be the photgrapher I wanted to be when I was 17 and do the course I have been dying to do. I want to be something , someone anyone who has a thing!

Life travels too fast....

My baby is growing up way too quickly.

He likes to drink out of a big persons glass....he can put on his own clothes, and choose them for that matter. He speaks like he is 18...including a few choice words he has picked up from us *blush*

I cannot believe he will be 3 in 3 weeks.........

I remember getting my positive pregnancy test and having to wake Geoff up to tell him of the news. We went skiing that day and not being able to tell anyone was hard!
So after I saw the local GP to confirm I was indeed up the duff I rang my Aunt Gail first as she was heading back from some of her first lots of radiation for Breast cancer and I wanted to cheer her up! they were all so excited he would be the first baby in our extended family!

So our first journey of pregnancy began...so much to take in and so much info to read! If it wasnt for so many wonderful poeple on BellyBelly I would have been so scared!

After 9 months of heartburn, swollen ankles and the best feeling of being kicked in the bladder the little dude arrived! No it was the most amazing time in my life...those first movements to poking his little feet and he would respond :)

His birth wasn't what I wanted and I don't tend to talk about it much as it still upsets me, but after that first look into his eyes my heart was his forever. He changed our lives and we couldn't imagine our loves without him...well when he never slept we did :P

So to my little monkey man thank you for being the coolest most energetic, fun, crazy kid I know! I only hope we can guide you and help you on your own path of life which will hopefully be filled with lots of love and laughter!


Love you pickle head xxxx

Im a hippie and proud...well a modern Hippie!

So I use cloth nappies, breastfeed, eat organic food, use a baby carrier and care about the environment...apparently this makes me a hippie.
And you know what I think its ace! I remember growing up and loving hearing stuff about the 60s and all the free love and Woodstock...simple times with not too much to worry about. So being referred to as one makes me happy!
We are about to build a house on our land at somerset dam. Once we move I can have free range kids and get dirty everyday with them having the time of our lives growing our own food and living a life at one with nature....but hey I still love modern stuff too like the movies, TWILIGHT, the net...shopping(must cut back as consumerism isn't good) and a pampering!
The best of both worlds I think! Earth mumma as I have been called before which is so cute will be out in force!!
But there are better earth mummas out there who I look up too and admire. So thank you for giving me lots of inspiration to be a better earth loving mumma!

Love the earth for she is the one which our lives depend on!

this is so true!

My gorgeous friend has some of the wisest words I have heard and her recent blog about judging others blew me away! Definitely some food for thought :)
Enjoy!
http://glamourcidaltendencies.blogspot.com/2010/09/judge-jury-and-executioner.html

Thanks for letting me share Glam!

Why didnt someone slap me!!!!!!

Seriously what the hell was wrong with me last week!
OK so I do still feel a tiny bit lonely...maybe jealous of everyone else friendships and families but I have the most amazing family and friends!

My gorgeous hubby sent me to the day spa today for 2.5hrs of bliss! And tomorrow my mum is taking me to see Mumma Mia! Lucky girl aren't I!

I suppose I need someone to de brief my day with and since Geoff goes to bed sometimes before the kids or when the kids do I am alone from about 6 so I keep everything bottled up and then BANG it goes all sookie lala on me!

so we are positive and happy from now on! I am getting fit and will look like the chick on the fernwood ad sooon! My kids are the greatest thing EVER!!!!!!!!!! And my friends truly ROCK!

Can I pay you to hang out with me :)

I really don't know where this post is going or if it will make sense, but I need to get it out!

I feel so lonely...in a world where communication is at your fingertips I am so alone and sad. I feel like I am on the outer, I am the organiser and when I don't organise I am left on the sidelines. I always make sure I do the ring around for upcoming events so no one misses out, yet when it comes to asking me everyone seems to "forget". I am such a social person and my friends are the people I have picked to be in my life and they are my family...but I don't think they see me as family :(

Maybe its me, maybe people put up with me cause I do the organising and would actually rather me not be there? Maybe I am a good online friend who you don't actually have to see but can comment on my status everyone once and a while. Maybe I am that annoying hanger on friend who you just cant shake?

I would love to have a real life friend who made a weekly date with me to just chat, or someone to call me occasionally...I don't think my phone has rung forever...except when Meagan calls me which I adore :)
I reach out and no one is there to catch me! Maybe I am not catching my friends and that's why they wont catch me?

I want someone to tell my fears to, someone who wont judge me, someone to ring and say I am having a really bad time can you come over and give me a hug or have a chat over a coffee? Is this really asking too much?

I just want to have girl time and a chat I want to feel like my voice is important and your not just seeing me cause of the kids, I want to have a friend who is there for me no matter what time of the day or what they are doing...I suppose I want a sister?
When you have kids you tend to be less important to people...when you go to family gatherings etc all they want to know is how the kids are? not how i am coping or feeling just cute funny stories about the kids...I feel like I am invisible!

So maybe I should start paying people to be my friends, money seems to talk....that's a joke by the way :P

I feel better getting it out and this is definitely not aimed at anyone in my life just a general feeling I get. Sorry for the downer post but its my blog so ner ner :P

Do you know what your having.....um sushi?

I have started a fitness regime as I want to be fitter for my kids and to feel better about myself. I have been really watching what I eat and working out at any chance.
I thought I was doing good until today when it all cam crashing down..........


Took the kids to the shops to buy more moogoo(the yummiest skin care in the world :P )and stopped off before leaving to buy some sushi.
I'm in line waiting patiently, my kids were behaving which was such a treat then*cue black cloud*
I get a tap on the shoulder and this little lady says to me "oh I am so sorry my grandson has just spilt milkshake all over your little one"
I said "its OK he is used to it he has a monkey of a big brother :P"
So being polite a I chat a little with her until she asks.......
"Do you know what your having?"

Ummm I honestly thought she wanted to know what sushi I was going to pick out until I asked..."sorry?" and she goes on to ask me "do you know what your having" gesturing at my stomach....my face must have gone so red I smiled and said no then laughed an embarrassing laugh and let he think I was pregnant. Thank heavens it was my turned to be served so I didnt have to engage in any more pregnancy talk.
I grabbed my sushi and fled the scene...I was gutted...do I really look pregnant? Would I be crazy enough to go again now when I don't cope some days with the 2 I have...is it her right to ask me...I wish I was quicker and said..."yes I will be having a crumbed chicken and a chicken teriyaki....or "yes we do its triplets 2 boys and a girl" that would have had her gasping for air!

I know she was being polite and making conversation but isn't that the unspoken rule you do not ask someone when they are due or otherwise unless you are 100% sure they are pregnant...or just don't ask at all!

I got in the car after eating my sushi rolls, wich would feed a tiny bird, and cried into my hands :( How can those few words hurt so much...why cant I look like some of my girlfriends who after thier babies have beautiful figures, luscious locks and glowing skin...where is my silver lining....OK I create stunning children but poor mum got hit with the ugly stick...no wait I think the WHOLE tree fell on me :)

I am OK now and can even laugh at it! Back into working out tomorrow! Wish me luck and lets hope I don't come across Nana and her milkshake throwing grandson again!

9 months ago....

My little Floobuckle was born, I haven't blogged in a while so thought I might blog my birth story of Flynn Douglas, who entered this world on Melbourne cup morning :)
Enjoy

Flynn Douglas arrival-

Monday 2nd November...both my boys (Dh and DS are alsep) woohoo I can finally colour my hair I am so grey and don't want to have baby looking like a an old lady lol. So Hair is done have caught up on all the important things BB of course so I head to bed.

I had some pain earlier in the afternoon but brushed it off as muscle pain from all the housework I did that day.

Around midnight I woke with a yucky feeling like cramps and took myself off to the toilet. Dh is still sleeping and wont leave for work till half 12. So I go back to bed but cant sleep through the pain, Dh goes to work and I sit up waiting to feel if its contraction pain.

I ring DH at work and let him know I think I am in labour, he tells me to keep him posted and that he is really busy with all the orders for Melbourne cup ( he is a baker for our bakery business )

I give my mum a call to come over and stay so ds will be happy in the morning if I have to go in. Also I give my gorgeous doula a call too and she stays on the phone with me while I go through contractions.

My mum arrives and by now the contractions are pretty regular and strong. I decide to ring DH back and tell it will probably be tonight...he asks for 3 hours to finish his work...its 2:30 at this stage and I tell him that wont be happening we need to go now

Dh arrives at home at about 3 i think and we get in the car and head to the hospital. I am in the back seat as i was wanting to be on all fours and this made the contractions not as intense but ended up hanging on for dear life to the handle things lol! There were so many cops on the road...where are they when you need them lol. So DH wasn't speeding just in case.

I felt I was controlling the pain quiet well but really had an urge to push and then I remember thinking I am so asking for drugs when i get there ...this was not in the birth plan and I really didn't want any. So thinking i had started transition.

We arrive at the hospital at roughly 4 am... my doula is waiting for me and gives a big hug...I am relieved we are here.

We head on down to the assessment unit and the midwife asks if she can give me an internal...I agree as i am curious as to how far dilated i am...i was thinking maybe 4cms...the internal was painful...she tells me i am about 7 cms and she can feel the sac bulging...no wonder i felt like pushing. I am feeling pretty proud of myself.

I head back out to the waiting area and they then send us into a birth suite, which was number 8 my fav number, this must be a sign i tell myself...all I wanted was to get in the bath so my doula starts to fill it! As she does i feel so relaxed that we made it that i let go as the contraction starts and feel so embarrassed as i had wet myself...didn't matter though as just as the water was getting hot my waters broke...wow so this is what it feels like to let my body do its thing.

At this point I am hanging onto a steel trolley which is moving ever so slightly with each contraction..unfortunately my waters were meconium stained so I wasn't able to use the bath..bummer. The poor midwife was frantically looking for the Doppler ...i had a hold of it in the trolley lol. Babies heart rate is good thank goodness!

I get this insane feeling to push...wow what a feeling....It felt like i was popping open with each contraction then closing it was pretty intense...poor dh was rubbing my back and i turned into the devil woman and yelled at him to stop haha.

So at this point the midwife tells me i cant give birth hanging onto a trolley and i should move to the bed..I told her i wont be on my back thanks and she agrees so Im on all fours ready for the pushing. about 20 mins had passed since my waters had broken and i began to push...I was so prepared for the burning feeling as everything streched over babies head but i couldn't feel a thing. I think i had 3 contractions and babies head had crowned...they asked me if wanted to feel the head but i was so in the zone i just wanted to meet my little person. Unfortunately my gorgeous OB was not here again as she was on holidays so i had someone else ...never saw her face till later lol.

One more push and my babies head was out...omg i did it ..i did it by myself and without any drugs....one more push and out came baby...plus a huge water fall of hind waters my doula told me, she said it was quiet spectacular. As baby was coming down it pooed again so they had to whisk it away and sucker it out to make sure no meconium was swallowed...I kept asking why baby hadn't cried yet but my doula reassured me the pead was doing a great job..in what felt like 5 mins but was actually more like 30secs i heard that beautiful cry...then my dh came over to tell me we had another son...so within 2 hours we went from being a family of 3 to a family of 4!

I had to be stitched as tore my old episiotomy scar from my forceps delivery last time. The Ob was great and let me continue 3rd stage naturally for a bit but i needed the synto which was fine by me. I actually got to see the placenta this time...pretty amazing.

Flynn was placed on my chest and we cuddled for a long time before he wanted to feed, we didn't have him weighed straight away which was nice to just be us. It would have been an hour later that we weighed him...the midwife, my doula and DH all were over at the scales...they weighed him 3 times as the couldn't believe his size...9lb 5oz! WOW I was shocked, Myles was 8lb 2oz...Flynn was 54.5 cms long too...I was so amazed at how i was able to do this all by myself.

He had his first feed which was magical once again and then i had a shower. By 7 am we were off to the ward...I still couldn't believe that last night i had been pregnant and now in such a short time I had my son in my arms. And it was Melbourne cup day...didn't pick a winner though and didn't call him shocking either lol, but was really looking forward to going to my uncles house for cup lunch..oh well next year!


So a 2 hour drug free labour...I did it ! And we have 2 beautiful sons


Aww now i am in tears thining of that night! What a beaitful thing to experience and my only wish is that all women get to experience a beautiful labour and birth with the help of loving experienced people...be it at home...in a paddock or in my case a hospital!
Love you Floobuckle! x

Accidental Magic...I want to be a magician!

I adore this blog and the gorgeous witty girl who writes it has blown my socks off today!
Accidental Magic

How cool would be to have the audience waiting on every move, trying to work out how you do it!
What an awesome party trick to be able to whip out at kids parties, or when all your friends are highly intoxicated and your the lone sober one, due to Breastfeeding, you could blow their minds with kick ass magic tricks!
Very very cool! thanks for sharing Lori!

The ultimate bike, can I have one mummy please!!!

This is the coolest, smartest, most awesome bike!

http://www.tagabikes.com/au/options.asp?lang=eng

I never knew I could be so in love with a bike! I want one now (said in a veruca salt voice)! I like the little trailers but they don't convert into a stroller...oh the awesomeness of it! Plus if I get to look like the chick in the gallery that will be a bonus! Its basically a bike which has a kids seat or 2 and can be converted into a stroller at a flick of the bike! Cool huh!

What a wonderful way to get fit, see the beautiful country we live in and help the environment!
I have been begging Geoff for one since I first laid eyes on it...but with them being over $2000 just for the bike and one seat... plus the 2nd seat at $330...or the very stylish and uber cool wooden seat for 2 at $700 +...he keeps saying NO, which is totally understandable as we would have to have 2!....no I dod totally understand why we cant have it, really I do :( But hey a girl can dream right!

So I will get one of these fabulous bikes...one day! :)

Will we have a girl?

That is the question which runs through my head if ever I think about being pregnant again. The thought of never having a daughter makes me feel so sad and inadequate. I LOVE my sons,but we may never have that mother daughter bond, I may never be the mother of the bride, I may never support my daughter in bringing a new life into this world...and there may never be a pink princess birthday party...well maybe if the boys want one :)


Feeling like this when Flynn was born was really hard, I loved him dearly but don't really remember those few weeks when he was tiny, I was in a bit of haze. I remember feeling like I had failed, all my friends had one of each, the ones who had boys first had a girl second the ones who had girls first had boys. And the pain I felt when people would ask me
"oh you are going to try for a girl"....or "2 boys wow you will be busy"....or my favourite" you don't want a girl they are soooo hard"

How could I feel like this when I had this perfect beautiful healthy little Boy in my arms....how could I be so selfish. I had known of women to go through this but never did I think it would be like this. The guilt I felt when the green eyed monster came out when visiting Friends with girls or the sinking feeling in my heart when I would see a beautiful dress and pretty shoes. Or when I think of how hard some friends had tried for their babies or who had never had babies, or babies who were ill...and I was sad that I had a healthy baby BOY?

You have no idea how it will feel till it happens to you. People say as long as the baby is healthy that's all that matters and if you think otherwise your selfish or ungrateful. So the guilt I felt and the embarrassment I had was eating away at me. Until I spoke up on a parenting forum I use and instantly felt better. The support I got and needed couldn't have come at a better time.

I look back to those first few weeks and feel regret and sadness that I didn't enjoy Flynn more...it wasn't that I didn't love him it was more I felt I had failed in creating this "perfect" little family.

I don't know how I will cope if the next baby is a boy, but at least I know I have the support and love from a group of amazing woman who I cant thank enough.

So for now I am loving every minute of having a house full of boys and I hope one day we will be painting a room pink for our daughter, who will be loved no more or no less than my 2 special little men.

The Ekka!

We adore the Ekka here! We go every year and have been going since I was a kid. This is a pic of my cousin and I one year on the chair-a-plane!





One thing I have never done at the Ekka is the haunted house or ghost train! I am such a wuss when it comes to stuff like that! I think it will be my mission to face my fear head on and do it this year!


Don't be surprised if you see me on TV screaming like a wild woman.....they petrify me!


My only hesitation is who will come with me? I need someone that will hold me while I cry and shake!





Other than the rides I love, love, love all the food, the people, the fun and the looks on kids faces when they spot that showbag they have had their eye on or when they are about to stuff their face with the yummiest strawberry ice creams! The dogs, the cakes, the meat pavillion and of course the fireworks :)





I only hope my kids enjoy it as much as i have and do!





Only 11 sleeps i think woohooo!





http://www.ekka.com.au/

The Boss......

So here I was thinking I was being all cute and funny calling Geoff, my beloved husband, The Boss in my blog. Until he informs its stupid :(
So I know need a better name for him...I suggested Cpt fairy pants but that was a no, then pretty boy..nope...what about Bakerman...no very unoriginal darling?

So I still don't know what to call him...maybe I should call him TPW...The Purple Wiggle after Jeff...since they share the same name :P

Maybe it will just be Geoff or Beloved...or whatever the hell I feel like calling him :P

So ner ner Cpt fairy spakle farkle pants :)

Flynns naming day!

We held a beautiful naming day for our littlest man Flynn in April. It was shared with all our closet friends and family. We are so honoured to have 3 wonderful guardians for Flynn...Terri, Dom and Pete.

I decorated the outside are myself and arranged all the flowers...I think it looked pretty amazing :)We had a sit down lunch prepared by my family..food was amazing!!!!!!!!

Our day was photographed by my gorgeous and very talented friend Sara. I will share some of the beautiful photos she took......

The ceremony was conducted by our lovely amazing friend Doreen. It was perfect! All of the elements were included in the day...Fire, Earth( soil taken from our garden, my parents garden, a pot plant my Nana owned, and from my Dads parents original house), Water and Air. He was welcomed into the family through acknowledging all the elements and how we came to be. It was all done through love, and everyone who attended are our greatest loves.

One of the elements Water.

God parents or guardians reading.

Grandparents and Great grandparents reading.

Lighting the candle to start the ceremony.

Flynn and his brother Myles enjoying the rose petal shower.

My little man Flynn.

Just as we were about to eat the storm clouds opened and the rain fell, it was quiet fitting really as at our wedding reception the same happened. the rain is a blessing to us all.

Doreen runs a Yoga school on the coast and is a celebrant I couldn't recommend her high enough

http://www.peaceyoga.com.au

Just random musings :)

I love my kids so dam much! They light up my life everyday! Moo is the cheekiest monkey around and floobuckle is just so quiet and into his own world!
This morning when Geoff got home from work he got into bed to have his sleep and we all ended up just mucking around and tickling the kids and laughing really hard! It was wonderful to just be in the moment!

I think we forget to just be...we are always planning or worried about the future or worried about the past we forget about the now!

So I urge you to just be, and sit with your little one and enjoy this moment in time with them...you will NEVER get it back :)

Update!

Sorry it has been so long between posts!
I plan on blogging about the naming day with pictures when I get the time!

Life is fun at the moment...everyday is a treasure with the kids! We have our bad days but when we snuggle before bed it makes it all dissapear!

so will be back soon to blog about naming day...eclipse...and how i am coping with GD :)

xxx

A big weekend ahead.....

So on sunday we are having Floobuckles naming day. We are so blessed with wonderful family and friends who we want to share this special occasion. Floobuckle is going to have 3 god parents...Terri, Dom and Pete. Who are the most wonderful people.

So organising has a be sucha a job....we paved mum and dads backyard...I created and made invites...very proud of myself...then we have the decorating to do on sunday before everyone arrives! I will post pics..as long as it turns out ok!

My Little men are just perfect! Moo is so funny and Floobuckle is growing up way to quickly!

Moos favourite mobvie at the moment is Little rasclas too cute :)

anyway best go do something constructive...well you know I wont but I Will try :) x

Name change...life change!

So it has been a while since I was last here...I think I have been trying to work out who and where I am!

I will be back soon to update...but GLEE is on! Woohooooo!

xxxx

GORGEOUS DRESS!

I have just found the most AMAZING dresses made by a girl in Brighton...I found it while searching Etsy...when I should be in bed!

http://http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39863785

am thinking I might save up and get for Melbourne in September...there is a Green one too which I adore....I must get me sewing machine out and start making some clothes :)

Its been a while

So its been a while since I posted...life keeps getting in the way of cyberlife ROFL!
Anyway things are going great...we are trying to find a new house to live in as we are sick of being stuck in this tiny yard with no room to swing a cat!
So we have been looking closer to my parents...but them we wonder if its worth spending so much on an old house, would people visit..or do we move out even further since noone really visits now? This realestate stuff is really hard :(

Monkey fell and hit his lip the other day which became a big blood blister..poor kid was so upset :( Floobuckle has decided he doesn't want to be a big sleeper anymore even though I actually thought the universe had given me a break and handed me a sleepy baby! *sigh* Looks like I wont be sleeping well for another 2 years :(

The Boss is working hard! He is totally in love With his mower....cracks me up :)

Am on the countdown for New moon to be out on DVD and for Eclipse to hit the big screen so excited! Managed to get the Twilight Graphic novel which is awesome! Just need some time alone without little sticky fingers to read it :)

Easter is next weekend! Not sure if anyone will be visiting us at the dam as we seem to not be cool anymore and people like to avoid us lol! I feel for The Boss though he would really love it if we had some great mates who would come to the dam all the time and help out and do boy type stuff.

Anyway off house hunting again! Wish us luck!

Birth choices

So at the moment our government is trying to take away the right of mothers to birth at home. This really makes me sad and angry....first off how can they decide to take away Rights? Second how is putting more people into the hospital system goint to help the system get back on its feet and treat SICK people.
Giving birth is a natural part of a woman's life...sometimes it can become complicated and this is why we need maternity hospitals, but if you are healthy and of a low risk group your descion to birth at home should not be taken away!

I am astounded more people are not up in arms about this...if it was taking away your right to a Cesarean or epidural this would be an outrage...I wonder if the general public feel that only hippies and careless women home birth....totally not true it is usually the educated and well informed who chose to follow their bodies instincts and birth were they feel most comfortable.....I birthed my sons at hospital as this was my CHOICE and RIGHT...so I dont see why taking away a right of someone to choose is a good thing...I am seriously considering a homebirth next time...of course with an independent midwife and doula and of course my loving family.

Be angry people this is goign to affect all the women in Australia...they deserve the right to choose!

Happy birthday to my wonderful husband!

Yesterday was my husbands birthday! He is the most amazing man. He works such long hours in our business and still has the time to be With the kids!

We spent the weekend at our shed, skiing and being with great family and friends! I am just hoping he knows how amazing he is even though no one was there to sing it to him!

I just hope that he was happy to be with just us and feels so loved and appreciated!

Love you babe!

Please dont "train" your baby!

To my boys...you are my life, not an inconvenience..I am your teacher not your trainer...I will love you no matter what ♥ xxx

I wrote that after reading about babies who are left to cry for hours because someone had told their mum that babies need to learn how to sleep and the only way you can do that is if you ignore their cries :( Baby trainers have a very harsh approach to how babies should sleep! Why can an adult be loved and cuddle to sleep yet a beautiful baby who cannot talk and only way of communicating is through crying is left to sob their little hearts out to sleep!

What ever happened to trusting ourselves? Why don't we trust that we can do a great job, why do people write books about sleep that tells us to go against every nerve in our body, why don't we believe that our babies wont be spoiled if we care and love for them how we feel we should! Why do we listen to people who are preying on sleep deprived parents with their quick fixing books which cause more harm than good!

They are only babies for a second and how we raise them and love for them impact them for the rest of their lives!

I really think every new parent should read the Science of Parenting or any of Pinky Mckays books!

LOVE is the most important thing <3

Well holidays are finsihed and we are back to normal routine as of tonight!
We had a wonderful 2 weeks together, spent time at the shed, braved the crowds at dreamworld and spent much needed time with family and friends!
My little monky has grown up so much over the past 2 weeks! His speech is amazing and he just loves his little fatty brother. My little buddah is getting so big he is 10 weeks this week and is overdue is yucky needles so they will have to be done :( But he is such a happy baby!

The new year has also come and we are looking forward to lots of great adventures. We plan to buy a new house, organise and re doecorate the business and spend more time together!
As the new year rolled in I have beeen feeling better about my Gender dissapointment issues. I am feeling happy and in love with my 2 little men!

So happy new year...may your year be filled wiht love, light, hope and happiness xxx