Seriously what the hell was wrong with me last week!
OK so I do still feel a tiny bit lonely...maybe jealous of everyone else friendships and families but I have the most amazing family and friends!
My gorgeous hubby sent me to the day spa today for 2.5hrs of bliss! And tomorrow my mum is taking me to see Mumma Mia! Lucky girl aren't I!
I suppose I need someone to de brief my day with and since Geoff goes to bed sometimes before the kids or when the kids do I am alone from about 6 so I keep everything bottled up and then BANG it goes all sookie lala on me!
so we are positive and happy from now on! I am getting fit and will look like the chick on the fernwood ad sooon! My kids are the greatest thing EVER!!!!!!!!!! And my friends truly ROCK!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Can I pay you to hang out with me :)
I really don't know where this post is going or if it will make sense, but I need to get it out!
I feel so lonely...in a world where communication is at your fingertips I am so alone and sad. I feel like I am on the outer, I am the organiser and when I don't organise I am left on the sidelines. I always make sure I do the ring around for upcoming events so no one misses out, yet when it comes to asking me everyone seems to "forget". I am such a social person and my friends are the people I have picked to be in my life and they are my family...but I don't think they see me as family :(
Maybe its me, maybe people put up with me cause I do the organising and would actually rather me not be there? Maybe I am a good online friend who you don't actually have to see but can comment on my status everyone once and a while. Maybe I am that annoying hanger on friend who you just cant shake?
I would love to have a real life friend who made a weekly date with me to just chat, or someone to call me occasionally...I don't think my phone has rung forever...except when Meagan calls me which I adore :)
I reach out and no one is there to catch me! Maybe I am not catching my friends and that's why they wont catch me?
I want someone to tell my fears to, someone who wont judge me, someone to ring and say I am having a really bad time can you come over and give me a hug or have a chat over a coffee? Is this really asking too much?
I just want to have girl time and a chat I want to feel like my voice is important and your not just seeing me cause of the kids, I want to have a friend who is there for me no matter what time of the day or what they are doing...I suppose I want a sister?
When you have kids you tend to be less important to people...when you go to family gatherings etc all they want to know is how the kids are? not how i am coping or feeling just cute funny stories about the kids...I feel like I am invisible!
So maybe I should start paying people to be my friends, money seems to talk....that's a joke by the way :P
I feel better getting it out and this is definitely not aimed at anyone in my life just a general feeling I get. Sorry for the downer post but its my blog so ner ner :P
I feel so lonely...in a world where communication is at your fingertips I am so alone and sad. I feel like I am on the outer, I am the organiser and when I don't organise I am left on the sidelines. I always make sure I do the ring around for upcoming events so no one misses out, yet when it comes to asking me everyone seems to "forget". I am such a social person and my friends are the people I have picked to be in my life and they are my family...but I don't think they see me as family :(
Maybe its me, maybe people put up with me cause I do the organising and would actually rather me not be there? Maybe I am a good online friend who you don't actually have to see but can comment on my status everyone once and a while. Maybe I am that annoying hanger on friend who you just cant shake?
I would love to have a real life friend who made a weekly date with me to just chat, or someone to call me occasionally...I don't think my phone has rung forever...except when Meagan calls me which I adore :)
I reach out and no one is there to catch me! Maybe I am not catching my friends and that's why they wont catch me?
I want someone to tell my fears to, someone who wont judge me, someone to ring and say I am having a really bad time can you come over and give me a hug or have a chat over a coffee? Is this really asking too much?
I just want to have girl time and a chat I want to feel like my voice is important and your not just seeing me cause of the kids, I want to have a friend who is there for me no matter what time of the day or what they are doing...I suppose I want a sister?
When you have kids you tend to be less important to people...when you go to family gatherings etc all they want to know is how the kids are? not how i am coping or feeling just cute funny stories about the kids...I feel like I am invisible!
So maybe I should start paying people to be my friends, money seems to talk....that's a joke by the way :P
I feel better getting it out and this is definitely not aimed at anyone in my life just a general feeling I get. Sorry for the downer post but its my blog so ner ner :P
Monday, August 16, 2010
Do you know what your having.....um sushi?
I have started a fitness regime as I want to be fitter for my kids and to feel better about myself. I have been really watching what I eat and working out at any chance.
I thought I was doing good until today when it all cam crashing down..........
Took the kids to the shops to buy more moogoo(the yummiest skin care in the world :P )and stopped off before leaving to buy some sushi.
I'm in line waiting patiently, my kids were behaving which was such a treat then*cue black cloud*
I get a tap on the shoulder and this little lady says to me "oh I am so sorry my grandson has just spilt milkshake all over your little one"
I said "its OK he is used to it he has a monkey of a big brother :P"
So being polite a I chat a little with her until she asks.......
"Do you know what your having?"
Ummm I honestly thought she wanted to know what sushi I was going to pick out until I asked..."sorry?" and she goes on to ask me "do you know what your having" gesturing at my stomach....my face must have gone so red I smiled and said no then laughed an embarrassing laugh and let he think I was pregnant. Thank heavens it was my turned to be served so I didnt have to engage in any more pregnancy talk.
I grabbed my sushi and fled the scene...I was gutted...do I really look pregnant? Would I be crazy enough to go again now when I don't cope some days with the 2 I have...is it her right to ask me...I wish I was quicker and said..."yes I will be having a crumbed chicken and a chicken teriyaki....or "yes we do its triplets 2 boys and a girl" that would have had her gasping for air!
I know she was being polite and making conversation but isn't that the unspoken rule you do not ask someone when they are due or otherwise unless you are 100% sure they are pregnant...or just don't ask at all!
I got in the car after eating my sushi rolls, wich would feed a tiny bird, and cried into my hands :( How can those few words hurt so much...why cant I look like some of my girlfriends who after thier babies have beautiful figures, luscious locks and glowing skin...where is my silver lining....OK I create stunning children but poor mum got hit with the ugly stick...no wait I think the WHOLE tree fell on me :)
I am OK now and can even laugh at it! Back into working out tomorrow! Wish me luck and lets hope I don't come across Nana and her milkshake throwing grandson again!
I thought I was doing good until today when it all cam crashing down..........
Took the kids to the shops to buy more moogoo(the yummiest skin care in the world :P )and stopped off before leaving to buy some sushi.
I'm in line waiting patiently, my kids were behaving which was such a treat then*cue black cloud*
I get a tap on the shoulder and this little lady says to me "oh I am so sorry my grandson has just spilt milkshake all over your little one"
I said "its OK he is used to it he has a monkey of a big brother :P"
So being polite a I chat a little with her until she asks.......
"Do you know what your having?"
Ummm I honestly thought she wanted to know what sushi I was going to pick out until I asked..."sorry?" and she goes on to ask me "do you know what your having" gesturing at my stomach....my face must have gone so red I smiled and said no then laughed an embarrassing laugh and let he think I was pregnant. Thank heavens it was my turned to be served so I didnt have to engage in any more pregnancy talk.
I grabbed my sushi and fled the scene...I was gutted...do I really look pregnant? Would I be crazy enough to go again now when I don't cope some days with the 2 I have...is it her right to ask me...I wish I was quicker and said..."yes I will be having a crumbed chicken and a chicken teriyaki....or "yes we do its triplets 2 boys and a girl" that would have had her gasping for air!
I know she was being polite and making conversation but isn't that the unspoken rule you do not ask someone when they are due or otherwise unless you are 100% sure they are pregnant...or just don't ask at all!
I got in the car after eating my sushi rolls, wich would feed a tiny bird, and cried into my hands :( How can those few words hurt so much...why cant I look like some of my girlfriends who after thier babies have beautiful figures, luscious locks and glowing skin...where is my silver lining....OK I create stunning children but poor mum got hit with the ugly stick...no wait I think the WHOLE tree fell on me :)
I am OK now and can even laugh at it! Back into working out tomorrow! Wish me luck and lets hope I don't come across Nana and her milkshake throwing grandson again!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
9 months ago....
My little Floobuckle was born, I haven't blogged in a while so thought I might blog my birth story of Flynn Douglas, who entered this world on Melbourne cup morning :)
Enjoy
Enjoy
Flynn Douglas arrival-
Monday 2nd November...both my boys (Dh and DS are alsep) woohoo I can finally colour my hair I am so grey and don't want to have baby looking like a an old lady lol. So Hair is done have caught up on all the important things BB of course so I head to bed.
I had some pain earlier in the afternoon but brushed it off as muscle pain from all the housework I did that day.
Around midnight I woke with a yucky feeling like cramps and took myself off to the toilet. Dh is still sleeping and wont leave for work till half 12. So I go back to bed but cant sleep through the pain, Dh goes to work and I sit up waiting to feel if its contraction pain.
I ring DH at work and let him know I think I am in labour, he tells me to keep him posted and that he is really busy with all the orders for Melbourne cup ( he is a baker for our bakery business )
I give my mum a call to come over and stay so ds will be happy in the morning if I have to go in. Also I give my gorgeous doula a call too and she stays on the phone with me while I go through contractions.
My mum arrives and by now the contractions are pretty regular and strong. I decide to ring DH back and tell it will probably be tonight...he asks for 3 hours to finish his work...its 2:30 at this stage and I tell him that wont be happening we need to go now
Dh arrives at home at about 3 i think and we get in the car and head to the hospital. I am in the back seat as i was wanting to be on all fours and this made the contractions not as intense but ended up hanging on for dear life to the handle things lol! There were so many cops on the road...where are they when you need them lol. So DH wasn't speeding just in case.
I felt I was controlling the pain quiet well but really had an urge to push and then I remember thinking I am so asking for drugs when i get there ...this was not in the birth plan and I really didn't want any. So thinking i had started transition.
We arrive at the hospital at roughly 4 am... my doula is waiting for me and gives a big hug...I am relieved we are here.
We head on down to the assessment unit and the midwife asks if she can give me an internal...I agree as i am curious as to how far dilated i am...i was thinking maybe 4cms...the internal was painful...she tells me i am about 7 cms and she can feel the sac bulging...no wonder i felt like pushing. I am feeling pretty proud of myself.
I head back out to the waiting area and they then send us into a birth suite, which was number 8 my fav number, this must be a sign i tell myself...all I wanted was to get in the bath so my doula starts to fill it! As she does i feel so relaxed that we made it that i let go as the contraction starts and feel so embarrassed as i had wet myself...didn't matter though as just as the water was getting hot my waters broke...wow so this is what it feels like to let my body do its thing.
At this point I am hanging onto a steel trolley which is moving ever so slightly with each contraction..unfortunately my waters were meconium stained so I wasn't able to use the bath..bummer. The poor midwife was frantically looking for the Doppler ...i had a hold of it in the trolley lol. Babies heart rate is good thank goodness!
I get this insane feeling to push...wow what a feeling....It felt like i was popping open with each contraction then closing it was pretty intense...poor dh was rubbing my back and i turned into the devil woman and yelled at him to stop haha.
So at this point the midwife tells me i cant give birth hanging onto a trolley and i should move to the bed..I told her i wont be on my back thanks and she agrees so Im on all fours ready for the pushing. about 20 mins had passed since my waters had broken and i began to push...I was so prepared for the burning feeling as everything streched over babies head but i couldn't feel a thing. I think i had 3 contractions and babies head had crowned...they asked me if wanted to feel the head but i was so in the zone i just wanted to meet my little person. Unfortunately my gorgeous OB was not here again as she was on holidays so i had someone else ...never saw her face till later lol.
One more push and my babies head was out...omg i did it ..i did it by myself and without any drugs....one more push and out came baby...plus a huge water fall of hind waters my doula told me, she said it was quiet spectacular. As baby was coming down it pooed again so they had to whisk it away and sucker it out to make sure no meconium was swallowed...I kept asking why baby hadn't cried yet but my doula reassured me the pead was doing a great job..in what felt like 5 mins but was actually more like 30secs i heard that beautiful cry...then my dh came over to tell me we had another son...so within 2 hours we went from being a family of 3 to a family of 4!
I had to be stitched as tore my old episiotomy scar from my forceps delivery last time. The Ob was great and let me continue 3rd stage naturally for a bit but i needed the synto which was fine by me. I actually got to see the placenta this time...pretty amazing.
Flynn was placed on my chest and we cuddled for a long time before he wanted to feed, we didn't have him weighed straight away which was nice to just be us. It would have been an hour later that we weighed him...the midwife, my doula and DH all were over at the scales...they weighed him 3 times as the couldn't believe his size...9lb 5oz! WOW I was shocked, Myles was 8lb 2oz...Flynn was 54.5 cms long too...I was so amazed at how i was able to do this all by myself.
He had his first feed which was magical once again and then i had a shower. By 7 am we were off to the ward...I still couldn't believe that last night i had been pregnant and now in such a short time I had my son in my arms. And it was Melbourne cup day...didn't pick a winner though and didn't call him shocking either lol, but was really looking forward to going to my uncles house for cup lunch..oh well next year!
So a 2 hour drug free labour...I did it ! And we have 2 beautiful sons
Aww now i am in tears thining of that night! What a beaitful thing to experience and my only wish is that all women get to experience a beautiful labour and birth with the help of loving experienced people...be it at home...in a paddock or in my case a hospital!
Love you Floobuckle! x
Monday 2nd November...both my boys (Dh and DS are alsep) woohoo I can finally colour my hair I am so grey and don't want to have baby looking like a an old lady lol. So Hair is done have caught up on all the important things BB of course so I head to bed.
I had some pain earlier in the afternoon but brushed it off as muscle pain from all the housework I did that day.
Around midnight I woke with a yucky feeling like cramps and took myself off to the toilet. Dh is still sleeping and wont leave for work till half 12. So I go back to bed but cant sleep through the pain, Dh goes to work and I sit up waiting to feel if its contraction pain.
I ring DH at work and let him know I think I am in labour, he tells me to keep him posted and that he is really busy with all the orders for Melbourne cup ( he is a baker for our bakery business )
I give my mum a call to come over and stay so ds will be happy in the morning if I have to go in. Also I give my gorgeous doula a call too and she stays on the phone with me while I go through contractions.
My mum arrives and by now the contractions are pretty regular and strong. I decide to ring DH back and tell it will probably be tonight...he asks for 3 hours to finish his work...its 2:30 at this stage and I tell him that wont be happening we need to go now
Dh arrives at home at about 3 i think and we get in the car and head to the hospital. I am in the back seat as i was wanting to be on all fours and this made the contractions not as intense but ended up hanging on for dear life to the handle things lol! There were so many cops on the road...where are they when you need them lol. So DH wasn't speeding just in case.
I felt I was controlling the pain quiet well but really had an urge to push and then I remember thinking I am so asking for drugs when i get there ...this was not in the birth plan and I really didn't want any. So thinking i had started transition.
We arrive at the hospital at roughly 4 am... my doula is waiting for me and gives a big hug...I am relieved we are here.
We head on down to the assessment unit and the midwife asks if she can give me an internal...I agree as i am curious as to how far dilated i am...i was thinking maybe 4cms...the internal was painful...she tells me i am about 7 cms and she can feel the sac bulging...no wonder i felt like pushing. I am feeling pretty proud of myself.
I head back out to the waiting area and they then send us into a birth suite, which was number 8 my fav number, this must be a sign i tell myself...all I wanted was to get in the bath so my doula starts to fill it! As she does i feel so relaxed that we made it that i let go as the contraction starts and feel so embarrassed as i had wet myself...didn't matter though as just as the water was getting hot my waters broke...wow so this is what it feels like to let my body do its thing.
At this point I am hanging onto a steel trolley which is moving ever so slightly with each contraction..unfortunately my waters were meconium stained so I wasn't able to use the bath..bummer. The poor midwife was frantically looking for the Doppler ...i had a hold of it in the trolley lol. Babies heart rate is good thank goodness!
I get this insane feeling to push...wow what a feeling....It felt like i was popping open with each contraction then closing it was pretty intense...poor dh was rubbing my back and i turned into the devil woman and yelled at him to stop haha.
So at this point the midwife tells me i cant give birth hanging onto a trolley and i should move to the bed..I told her i wont be on my back thanks and she agrees so Im on all fours ready for the pushing. about 20 mins had passed since my waters had broken and i began to push...I was so prepared for the burning feeling as everything streched over babies head but i couldn't feel a thing. I think i had 3 contractions and babies head had crowned...they asked me if wanted to feel the head but i was so in the zone i just wanted to meet my little person. Unfortunately my gorgeous OB was not here again as she was on holidays so i had someone else ...never saw her face till later lol.
One more push and my babies head was out...omg i did it ..i did it by myself and without any drugs....one more push and out came baby...plus a huge water fall of hind waters my doula told me, she said it was quiet spectacular. As baby was coming down it pooed again so they had to whisk it away and sucker it out to make sure no meconium was swallowed...I kept asking why baby hadn't cried yet but my doula reassured me the pead was doing a great job..in what felt like 5 mins but was actually more like 30secs i heard that beautiful cry...then my dh came over to tell me we had another son...so within 2 hours we went from being a family of 3 to a family of 4!
I had to be stitched as tore my old episiotomy scar from my forceps delivery last time. The Ob was great and let me continue 3rd stage naturally for a bit but i needed the synto which was fine by me. I actually got to see the placenta this time...pretty amazing.
Flynn was placed on my chest and we cuddled for a long time before he wanted to feed, we didn't have him weighed straight away which was nice to just be us. It would have been an hour later that we weighed him...the midwife, my doula and DH all were over at the scales...they weighed him 3 times as the couldn't believe his size...9lb 5oz! WOW I was shocked, Myles was 8lb 2oz...Flynn was 54.5 cms long too...I was so amazed at how i was able to do this all by myself.
He had his first feed which was magical once again and then i had a shower. By 7 am we were off to the ward...I still couldn't believe that last night i had been pregnant and now in such a short time I had my son in my arms. And it was Melbourne cup day...didn't pick a winner though and didn't call him shocking either lol, but was really looking forward to going to my uncles house for cup lunch..oh well next year!
So a 2 hour drug free labour...I did it ! And we have 2 beautiful sons
Aww now i am in tears thining of that night! What a beaitful thing to experience and my only wish is that all women get to experience a beautiful labour and birth with the help of loving experienced people...be it at home...in a paddock or in my case a hospital!
Love you Floobuckle! x
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