Where is a big rock when you need it......

I would really like to just crawl under a huge rock and escape from here for a while....I would love to just be by myself and not have anyone whining at me or grabbing at me for a feed.

I adore my kids abut I need a break! I am slowly going mental. I haven't had a full nights sleep alone for over 3 years now, and am tired of waking up with muscle aches cause of how Floo is sleeping on me. I know this will pass as it did with moo but at the moment I just want something to be about me.

I want to go do the grocery shopping by myself, I want a mother in law who loves me and wants to be a part of our lives, I want a baby girl and be able to buy pretty girly things and do ballet lessons, I want to look good and not feel so ugly and ashamed of myself all the time, I want a nice house where my friends want to visit me, I want a clean house, I want children who sleep all night like most of my friends kids,I don't want to be the organiser anymore, I want someone else to do it, I want to be able to have a relationship with my husband, I want a glass of wine dammit!!!!!!!!

I know I am the only one who can make things happen but just once I would love to feel like I am being spoiled by someone else...I want to be on someones mind and have something thought full done for me, I want to be cheered up and made to feel special.

Life just seems to be throwing shit at me at the moment and I cant seem to find the baby wipes to clean myslef up and see the light! what the hell is wrong with me??? I have a wonderful husband and gorgeous kids I should be freaking happy right! Well why am I sitting in a big black hole waiting to be rescued!

Ahhh venting feels good!

How can this not make you smile! I love my boys!

Broken...mistakes...and all the love to give!

I have a big mouth...and sometimes I don't know when to shut up!



I used to just say what I wanted and never thought about the consequences then it bit me on the proverbial behind and I grew up and learnt to keep my mouth shut!



Well I let it off the leash the other weekend and I have no idea why...maybe its stress...maybe I am so exhausted my brain doesn't work properly or maybe its because I am sick of being the one who is walked all over and forgotten and left out ?

Maybe I am over analyisng things as I know no one is hung up about this and it probably hasn't even registered on their radar .

But its hard to dismiss feelings especially ones that make your heart hurt and you feel so lonely that no one would miss you.



I want to feel wanted again...I want people to ring me and want to see me and not just visit the kids! I want to feel worthy of peoples attention and not be stopped mid conversation because the kids are doing something cute and then everyone forgets what I was talking about.

I just want someone to SEE me, really SEE me and not just see me as mum to the boys. I want to be me again!

So I am shutting my facebook down and trying to find who I am and not rely on anyone else to make me feel good about myself. I know it will be tough to try to love myself again and I know life will still be awkard thanks to my big mouth but I have tried to mend what I have done but it doesnt seem to have helped, so helping myslef seems like the next best thing!



Sorry I haven't blogged in a while and now when I decide to its to vent and sook!

This time last year!

The monday night before melbourne cup I was sitting at the computer ready for my belly to pop and have a baby. Making plans is a sure fire way to guranteea baby coming....I was supposed to go to my uncles house for the race and lunch, but wouldnt you know I went to bed only to wake at midbight to contractions.


Pfftf horse race I am having a baby woohooo! the morning of the race Floobuckle came into this world!

We had his party on sunday, so much fun everyone was there except my Dad who had to be in the middle east for work and my brother and his girlfriend as they went to Melbourne for the race...bloody race lol!

He slept most the party!

The Amazing cake!

Cheeky boy after everyone had left!

Pinata time :)

mmm cake!



So serious!




Happy birthday Floobuckle!



We had a wonderful day and we are so lucky to have so many wonderful people share it with us! Floo was very loved and received so many lovely pressies!

So on Weddesday he will be one....where has my baby gone :(